Travelers Digest 2003 Review of Phuket, Thailand, Southeast Asia

Our time spent on this island paradise was to include a tour of the Naka Wanna mountain villa's. They were well known and frequented by many celebrities. Obviously they were not well known locally, the taxi driver made several stops as to their locations and after a two hour ride around most of the island, we arrived. Later we discovered that they were only a few kilometers from the airport.

They were well worth the ride. Their artistic style, quality and traditional design as well as their location on a hill, overlooking the emerald bay, was stunning. We were greeted by the owners lovely daughter, Katherine. The villas were owned and operated by a transplanted Canadian family that was fluent in both Thai and english. After a tour of the property, we were shown to our rooms. There was only four villas, two being separated by a black bottom pool and two being situated higher on the hill. Katherine was informative about the island and even drove us into the village of Patong for a night of fun. Patong was definitely a place we wanted to explore further. We enjoyed our stay at Naka Wanna, but our tour was extensive and after two days we moved into Patong. Our serenity was over...it was now time to begin our adventure into the very heart of Phuket!

I wasn't prepared for the village, to say the least. It is known, by its thousands of frequent visitors, as the no rules, get crazy and get naked, party capital of the world. Booze and cheap hookers can be found in every bar, disco, in every restaurant and on every street. There are thousands of extremely beautiful girls, selling their hearts and bodies for a few hundred baht. The baht is the local Thai currency. Its value is around 43 baht per US dollar. The beer and sodas are about the same price as in America. No real bargain there, but the shopping is phenomenal. Even better deals are made after a little bargaining. The Thai people expect to be bargained down and are quite willing to except much less than their first three or four asking prices. For an example, I asked about a pair of short pants. The vendors price was exorbitant, 1200 baht, around $30.00 US. I put the shorts down and starting walking away and he shouted "OK, OK" I take 200 baht." The price fell off a cliff without me saying a word. From thirty dollars to under five dollars. I kept walking. I had no intention of buying anything from a man so ready to not only take advantage of me as a tourist, but his obvious disregard for my intelligence.

I am an adventurous man, single by choice, and with our reservation, I can proclaim, in all sobriety, that this place is a mans paradise. Dancing every night until four, eating out at the many cafes, browsing through the thousands of bargains offered by countless street vendors and bathing in the beauty of the local women. At no other time in my life, or in any other place, have I met so many absolutely gorgeous women. They were everywhere. They were not only beautiful, but were friendly and open for whatever you may have in mind. With their decaying economy the Thai people had to work 14 hours, or more, a day in order to sustain even a meager existence. Even such long working days generated only a measly 120 baht, under three US dollars. Many of the women had children and other dependent family members to support. I am not the one to judge anyone for their actions in their need for survival. These beautiful women are selling their bodies, hearts and their dignity for a few dollars, while holding on to their elusive dream of finding someone to love. To those sweet ladies of the night that are hoping to find a decent man to deliver them from their pain and constant struggle....I say...Good Luck!

On those occasions when we did crawl from our hotel beds during daylight we headed to the beach. It was shared by the hungover slobs, recuperating from their long night of boozing, a few sunburned tourists and of course the hundreds of beach bunnies wanting to show off their g strings and deep tans. The beach, the gentle waves and the healing abilities of the warm sun would prepare us all for the coming night of sinful seduction. Our temporal peace, as well as the soft, white sand, would soon be trampled by the countless beach vendors trying desperately to separate you from a few baht. With childlike enthusiasms they would eventually convince you that you needed a towel, drinks, food, umbrella, souvenirs or about anything else they could provide. It did you no good to ignore these polite, but persistent masters of cunning.

The streets of the village are small and crowded with sidewalk vendors, shops, restaurants, cafes and hundreds of bars. Little alleys jutted in every direction and would eventually open into causeways lined with bars and yearning prostitutes, pawing and begging you to sit and have a drink. After a drink or two and if you did decide to spend some quality time with one of the girls, you simply paid their bar fee of 200 baht. The girls were partially employed by the bars as bait to draw in the customers and after paying this small fee, they were then free to leave. The price for the girls companionship can always be negotiated. Their price usually started at around 2000 baht, $40.00, and with a little bargaining you can get the action you want for under 1000 baht. Later in the evening, when they are more desperate for money, you could savor some quality time for as little as 500 bahts. Depending on you and the girl, this fee could buy you a short time, like an hour, but more often, if you desired, the entire night. They are more than sexual, they also love to dance, so don't hesitate to have some fun with them.

There are many things in Thailand and in particular around Patong that you have to watch out for, such as transvestites, called boy-girls. They are everywhere. Being very feminine and aggressive they can fool almost any man. They are fastidious in their appearance and many are simply beautiful. Another thing is the Tuk Tuk drivers. Tuk Tuks are open vans used as taxis, mostly red in color. Make sure you know their price before you get in. I had a few incidences where I was yelled at for not paying them as much as they were demanding. The usual fare across the town of Patong is about 100 baht, but many will demand many times that fare and get irate if you refuse to pay it. There are systems to protect the tourist, but it is always your responsibility to keep yourself safe and out of trouble. If you do have a problem with any local, service provider, bar or shop, you can complain to the Tourist Police. Their exclusive job is to handle any problems that tourists may encounter. The only setback is that they only speak Thai. That in itself is a problem.

I must also warn you..do not get into a fight or altercation, the police don't take kindly to anything that might reflect negatively on their tourist industry. Do not shoplift and keep all of your receipts. Buying, selling or using any illegal drugs can land you in a filthy Thai jail for a long, long time. It will cost you a fortune to fight the charges and even if you're successful, it will drag on for months. You will not be able to leave the country, as that the police will have your passport and the local attorneys that you will be forced to deal with are a greedy group of flesh eating parasites. I met many people involved in huge court cases and many others waiting in extremely wretched jails. The penalty for any drug offense can be from doing many years in a nightmarish prison to the death penalty. Stay coherent, be polite, make sure of the cost of everything, even women, do not get so drunk as to lose your ability to retain some common sense, stay away from confrontations and arguments, and most of all....stay away from drugs and those using or selling them. If you follow these simple precautions you can have an unforgettable time in Thailand and especially in Patong Phuket. While you're in this area, check out the island wonderlands of Phi Phi, James Bond, just to name a few. Most are only a short ferry ride away. Thailand in it's entirety is unforgettable.

Upon arrival in Thailand, Americans and other nationalities are granted a thirty day visa. Everyday you stay past that will cost you 200 baht. Remember to be safe, in trading, traveling and especially while engaging in sex. There are many hidden gifts that you don't want. HIV and other venereal diseases amongst the street and bar people in this area can be as high as 50%...Always protect yourself!