Travelers Digest Review of Turkey
Dakota and I, along with our Turkish friend, Yetkin, left the city of
Patong, in southern Thailand known as the party, lay on the beach and stay drunk
while enjoying long encounters of sexual molestation region and flew to the mega
city of Bangkok. What a difference a few hundred miles can make in such a small
country. Bangkok can definitely brag of being home to millions of peculiar
people and even more peculiar tourists. Stepping from the plane there was
something exciting in the air and even at the airport our anticipation grew, as
the slight breeze carried the sweet perfumed scent of wild nights and gratifying
sexual encounters. My mind was ready and I only hoped my body could keep up!
After all we did spent 3 months in Patong, Phukett and partying on the awesomely
gorgeous islands of Phi Phi Dom, Monkey, James Bond and many others.
Grabbing a taxi we headed into the very jaws of the city center and was amuck
of a few million people, honking cars, mopeds by the thousands, tuk-tuks,
(Thai taxis) and a street scene unlike any I have witnessed...at least while
awake and sober. One large building stood out from the rest and as the taxi
pulled up to the corner we could see it was a hotel...an 88 story hotel. Now
that was impressive. Its befitting name, The Sky Hotel, was a magnetic and
drew us into its lobby. After some negotiating we scored a penthouse suite for
about $40 US. That's another reason I love this part of the world...don't like
the price...whine a little!
We didn't stay in the suite long, as the city was like a beckon light to a
moth and so as moths we strolled throughout the city, along the Chao Phraya
River in & out of the bars...countless...and in meeting numerously impressive
people, or should I say girls, women, chicks, party hounds... we were in
love...again. This was Singapore, Patong and Phuket combined on a grand scale.
After hearing of a sex palace just across town we hopped in an open sided
tuk-tuk and headed off on a wild ride along with an endless stream of drivers in
every type of vehicle imaginable. Loud western music blared from every inch of
the street, from the passing cars, bars and hundreds of sidewalk cafes...it was
party time...again. As for the Sex Palace...well now that's another story in
itself and is not suitable for posting here...ahem! Sorry children, religious
freaks and odd perverts...
We managed to stay in this lust devouring city for 7 days and sleepless
nights, before finally coming to a surreal and vague form of twisted realization
that we were being transformed into vampires of endless self pleasures. If we
were to survive we must pry ourselves away and continue to our next
destination...Istanbul. As we boarded the Gulf Air flight we turned and shouted
out our solemn promise to return...soon! Soon, meaning when we recovered.
Our first stop was an overnight layover in the rich country of Bahrain
where they thought everyone was an oil baron...the hotel bar charged my Turkish
friend $35 US for one beer...the sad thing was it was my money...the bum! We
didn’t know that alcohol was a forbidden pleasure and was served only to
foreigners and may I say, at a very hefty price. A long drunk spell here could
bankrupt Bill Gates. In my hazy memory I recall that the country consisted of
endless heat, blurring visions of sand, lots of bare desert, but to its
credit...unsoiled beaches and a color of the brightest aqua blue water I’ve even
seen. If Beer was a example of the wealth it took to live here it was no wonder
that everyone from 8 to 80 drove a Mercedes and needless to say I was too poor
to spend much time here...no oil in this cowboys back yard and our government
spends all our money invading other countries for their oil. Wouldn't it just be
cheaper to buy it?
In a few hours of departing Bahrain we arrived in
Istanbul. Hopefully beer was cheaper? This city is the home of 10+ million
souls, mostly Muslims, some Christians and with a hundred other ethnicities
thrown in it is quite an unorthodox blending of personalities. Turkey in it's
last count holds over 74 million people and possibly more if you count the
hordes of Kurdish and other wanderers courting the tourist trades with their
small businesses. They tend to adhere to the coastal cities, such as Marmaris,
Kusadasi, Bodrum, Fethiye and Patara, as well as countless other beach towns
along the phenomenally beautiful western coast. With their wit, dance and
eerie music they do add considerably to the distinguished diversity of the
country's ancient heritage.
Again, as custom, we hailed a cab and with our buddy Yetkin doing the
talking it was only a few minutes before we pulled in front of a small, but as
we soon learned, cheap hotel. As we hauled the massive bags up to the 3rd
floor...I wondered what it was about elevators in most regions of the world that
hotel owner’s dislike. That and air conditioners...maybe they get a kick
watching their guests needlessly exert themselves and listening to their moans
as they sweat feverously in their pitiful attempts at sleep...but, personally, I
hate sweating and especially when it costs me good money. Yetkin had lived here
for several years, before moving south to Fethiye to run his brothers bar, and
still had a girlfriend in the city and made good time in picking up the phone
and making plans with her for dinner...so much for a friendly invite...Well,
Dakota, looks like we dine alone and not speaking a word of Turkish...it looked
like we would definitely develop a taste for Kebabs...meat and veggies in a
wrap...its one of those times when you simply point to a picture on a small
menu.
In an hour or so Yetkin took off and we hopped a taxi without a clue
as to even a basic sign language to point him in the general direction of the
city center...I smartly pointed to my blue shirt and made a prayer sign...like a
gust of desert wind we were off. 15 minutes and about 6 bucks later we stood in
front of the massive Blue Mosque. An overwhelming structure built during the
epitome of the Ottoman Empire a few hundred years prior. It was and remains the
center of attention for millions of Muslims and for gawking tourists the world
over. Many of Turkeys beautiful Mosques were once grand Churches…quite some
fascinating makeovers, to say the least. As we watched thousands of pilgrims
disappear into the bowels of the mosque we decided that mingling with them while
they chant and sway on their knees would have to come later…right now we needed
food. I will pre-warn all yea that stroll through this amazing city...food and
drink always seem to take a back-seat to snapping photos of the never ending
array of structures, that and watching the masses of people in hurried pace
every couple of hours...was it prayer time again? I did hear they head to the
mosques 6 or more times a day. I couldn't help wonder when they had to time to
work or even eat? There seemed to be a mosque every 100 meters, but where's a
cafe when you're starving? Religious obsession is great, but there are times
when you just have to feed the body.
After
a couple of hours of endless straying we located a sidewalk cafe and with some
help from the waiter and his barest of English dialect, we gobbled down some
bizarre, but tasty concoction of local food and a couple bottles of peach juice,
Dakota's favorite, and headed off to explore further. I was like a kid in Disney
world...stopping constantly to shoot a photo, wandering in and out of every
street and alley with no clue as to where we were going and really not caring.
Everything was an amazement...it was and is a remarkable city! Especially the
giant indoor maze of yelling salesmen in what they called the market or Bazaar.
Everyone kept trying to get us to sit down and have some tea amidst pots of
copper, layers of gold jewelry and endless rolls of oriental rugs...it was
definitely a bazaar...mmm’ so that's where the word bizarre comes from? I can
see that! We eventually made it down to the very heart of the city where the
streets turned into walking lanes, housing an endless string of bars and
cafes...so here's where everyone comes after long days of prayer rituals? Lots
of beer, cheap beer, lined the tables and after a day of swaying on your knees
in a mosque...I can see why! At about 11: PM we ran into our good friend, yeah
the one that deserted us in this Mecca of millions, Yetkin...but after one look
at his most gorgeous girlfriend I could no longer blame him for abandoning
us...hell' I would of abandoned my water jug in a precarious trip across the
Sahara just to spend an hour with this girl...wow! Well, at least, after
spotting us he did introduce us, though briefly, and pulled out a couple of
chairs for us to jam in at or near the small table in one of the many immensely
overly crowded cafe-bars. Damn, I got the chair on the other side of the
table...the one with no view of his delectable girl friend...meow! I had no idea
that there were women this delicious in Turkey....who needs food? Finding a girl
like her was worth spending several hours a day on your knees praying!
A few more days of lingering around the city, a city I will never
forget, and it was time for Yetkin to get back to work in his brothers bar down
south, so, tagging along, we all piled into a bus for a dreadful 17 hour bumpy
trip down the length of Turkey. Of all the signs hanging in the bus there was
only one I could read...what' no smoking! That's just cruel and unusual
punishment, that along with the worst roads outside of 1996 Beirut, and to
mention no air conditioning...I had only one reaction…I went into a no smoking
coma. It was short lived when after a couple of hours we stopped and everyone
and their 90 year old Mother piled off the bus for a smoke break. Why ban
smoking in a country where everyone and their Grand Parents smokes? Go figure? I
guess it goes along with the fact that they have 100,000 mosques and only 3
hospitals in Istanbul...hell, everyone dies, so give me another cigarette and
we'll pray over it later.
After 10 or more smoke & coke breaks we arrived in the small and quite
unimpressive coastal town of Fethiye. What? I rode a bus for 17 hours to visit a
town 'time and everyone else abandoned centuries ago’...but first impressions
don't always last and after a few strong drinks, two hours on a water
pipe...hell' I fell in love with the place. I can't say much about the local
women though...nice tits, but trying to get one to look at you is like sailing a
kite to the moon...impossible. Damn' there goes my Romeo reputation!
Yetkin
saw my disappointment in the city, but convinced me it was a beautiful area and
would look better after some rest. He was proud of this, his home land and with
his encouragement we loaded into his friend’s car and drove to a small hotel
where he had made arrangements for us to stay. Fethiye is on the Mediterranean
Sea on the southern coast of Turkey and is well known by English and German
tourists, but not by many Americans, true of most of the world. When we arrived
at the hotel, which was across from the harbor it wasn’t much to look at, but
would suffice until we could find a better one. Our friend and his brother owned
and operated two small disco's, club Bananas and club Mangos and hence we were
invited on our first night in town to meet his brother, his tight lipped water
pipe smoking Father and other members of his bar staff. I soon learned that
drinking small but potent cups of tea and coffee while smoking on a water pipe
during the day was more than just customary before a long night of drinking
beer...it was an addiction. Talk about being wired! The size and simplicity of
the disco's were not all that impressive, but for this small town they were an
accommodating choice for the young disco enthusiasts with little else to do, and
were packed each night. I hope the local guys had better luck with the women.
After watching for a while it became obvious that it wasn't the women with the
problem, it was the men. They were way too aggressive. I was getting a little
concerned personally when the guys kept hugging and kissing me on the cheek...It
wouldn't have been so bad if they'd at least shave.
We
stayed in Fethiye for a week and grew to like the people and especially the
gorgeous harbour lined with tour boats. We took advantage of some free offers to
boat around the area if we would share any good pictures with the owners. That
was a deal we couldn't pass. Spending the days and some early evenings exploring
the absolutely stunning harbor and the 12 local islands was quite an
enlightening experience and highlight of our time spent there. The boat tours
took us to many Greek and Roman ruins scattered amongst the islands. My favorite
was Cleopatra's bath, an ancient ruin of her personal bath houses on a small
hidden island. I would have loved being her bath boy...well; on second
thought…she did poison her brother.
By the end of our week and as we prepared to leave we explained to
our new friends that we wanted to explore other areas. In all honesty, it was
just one of the many reasons we had to leave…I was getting strung out on the
water pipes, explosive coffee and dancing all night with a bunch of drunk Turks
swinging their arms in all directions. It was all becoming quite nerve wrecking
to say the least. In lieu of our quick demise and decaying health we rented a
small car, a Fiat, a gutless little thing with the power of a lawn-power, and
ventured over the mountains for about 24 kilometers to a small beach village
Yetkin had recommended. It was also home to the 2 brothers we had befriended in
Thailand that had originally asked us to help free Yetkin from jail...That story
may or may not ever be posted! The brothers had made it quite clear that we were
very welcome and wouldn't need to spend a dime...that and $5 bucks will get you
a cup of Star Bucks coffee, but we'd soon find out if their promise had any real
value.
The
small tourist village of Oludeniz lay along the narrow coast on one of the
area's best beaches. The brothers, Ahmet and Krudet owned a tour and excursion
business named Focus Tours. They provided all sorts of adventures, such as
paragliding off a 2000 meter mountain... I would definitely need a bottle of
whiskey...Yeah, the feet in the pic. hanging 6000 feet over the ocean are mine
and with a cigarette in my mouth and 3 shots of whiskey in my gut…it was great!
They also rented mopeds, had a large boat with a water slide that
shot you out into the sea...try that after six shots of Tequila...Geronimo! They
also had some wild jeep tours in the mountains and for you animal lovers...they
even had some horses for an ass swelling journey through an awesome mountainous
forest to the ancient ghost town of Kaya Koyu.
The
tourist village of Oludeniz consisted of many small buildings strung along the
beach. The shops, bars and cafes were mostly constructed of wood, stone and
bamboo. There were enough bars to keep even the most intense alcoholic happy and
numerous Shish Kebab joints for those meat & veggies on a stick lovers...hey' I
actually became quite fond of them after my 5oth or so. While there were many
restaurants, I found there were definitely few bargains. In fact I found that
just eating anything in Turkey, other than a kebab, was somewhat expensive. As
for lodging, the small, local hotels were very reasonable, but prices of the
larger tourist traps were astronomical, mostly due to the fact they were
directly on the beach and had pools. They also had a tall fence to keep the
strays out of their pools...what' who me? I also discovered that Turkish
businesses had two prices, a very modest one for the locals and a much higher
one for the tourists. I don't approve of this practice, but it is quite common
in most third world countries. The trick for getting better prices is to take
along a local and have them order or make purchases for you. As in most of
Turkey, the tourist consisted mainly of Germans and English and due to the
exorbitant prices of everything in Europe they consider everything here a real
bargain and are always making stupid exclamations as to how cheap everything
is...which encourages the locals to jack up their prices even higher...sheesh!
The
shops, cafes, hotels and bar owners were a frightful mix of Turkish and their
dreadfully despised cousins...the Kurds. Oh, if I could of only understood the
heated words being flung back and forth when these two groups got too close to
each other...yow! One thing I will clarify is that while the men appeared stoic
and aloof if they liked you they were quick to bond, but watch out for their
body squeezes and cheek kisses...their whiskers are like barb wired. Dakota and
I adored these friendly teddy bear people and made many friends. I miss them
all, but for the local women...forget it...They are quite shy towards all men,
Turkish or otherwise. Grab a German women, they come to have fun, (not my first
choice of words, but this is a family journal) and it really doesn't matter if
you’re Turkish or not...I will also inform you that if you expect to develop any
type of physical relationship with the local women, unless you are a recognized
superstar or very rich and famous, or both...don’t waste your time! Their
culture combined with the over-bearing male machismo they live with daily has
pretty much hardened them to any attempt at a quick romance. They consider any
approach as one of two things...you are either a male whore-dog or you're
looking for an over-night wife...pretty much the same thing. However, if they
believe your intentions are honorable you must be ready to spend several months
or longer courting them, meeting their very jealous and extremely protective
families and then it's off to the Mosque for a Muslim wedding. Since they remain
very close to their Mothers and the rest of their time is spent praying...you
just might never get laid...
As
for any negative treatment, even as an American, we didn't experience any during
our 3 months spent touring Turkey. Yes, Turkey is a Muslim country, but for most
part is an ally of America and even more...they are a fun loving people and
enjoy their hard gained freedoms....just beware of the treacherous water pipes,
their potent tea & coffee, wild dancing moves and be prepared for lots of hugs
and cheek abrasions from the men’s unshaved beards. I do however; suggest not
refusing their hospitality, as they are a sensitive lot.
Our next journeys would take us on a 3 hour bus ride to the tourist
town of Marmaris for 3 days, then further up the coast for a couple of days in
Bodrum and a few days later onto Kusadasi and a day trip to the ancient Roman
ruins of Ephesus.
During one of our many escapades we enjoyed a taxi ride on some
camels to the amazing, Cappa Dwellings. The ride was somewhat uncomfortable, but
with their slow and steady pace through the hot desert we safely arrived in this
very ancient village where people thousands of years previous had built their
homes by carving and hollowing out bizarre mounds of rock. It reminded me of the
giant mounds of termites in Australia. Any amount of discomfort would have been
gladly endured to witness this phenomenal vision of human engineering. Our long
day spent there added even more unforgettable memories to our adventures in this
wonderland of perplexities!
We totally recommend touring the beautiful, multi cultured country of Turkey and
it
is one of our top 10 countries we suggest visiting during your life.
After leaving Turkey we would island hop for 3 months in the unbelievable
Greeks Isles. Ah’ the sweet life of living a dream!
Travelers
Digest
Review written by the touring editor; Mike Smith in June 2003;
Revised August 18th 2006
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